7 Communication Strategies to Switch from Resentful to Resilient
Let me start by saying- I’m not a therapist. But I talked to a lot of moms and this is what they said…
I hear these complaints the most- “my husband doesn’t help with the kids/house.” “I feel like I do all the work and never get time to myself.” “When I ask for help, my partner makes it seem like a big deal.” “My partner doesn’t make the effort and it feels easier to just do it myself than explain every little detail or argue about it.”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Becoming a parent has some major learning curves! Moms are often left feeling resentful, overwhelmed, and frustrated that they feel like they’re doing more than their fair share.
But it doesn’t have to be this way! With a little effort, you can improve your communication with your partner in 10 minutes or less. Here are 7 tips to get you started…
1. Talk about your expectations
Are you expecting your partner to do half the work? Are you expecting them to do more? Less? Sit down with your partner and talk about what you both expect from each other in terms of household responsibilities. This will help avoid any misunderstandings down the road.
2. Make a list…and check it twice
Make a list of all the things that need to be done around the house on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. Then sit down with your partner and assign tasks. Be sure to include some flexibility in the list so that tasks can be swapped if necessary.
3. Communicate, communicate, communicate!
This one seems obvious, but it’s worth repeating. Communication is key in any relationship, but it’s especially important in a busy family household. If something comes up that needs to be done, don’t assume your partner will know about it—tell them! The same goes for when you need some help; don’t be afraid to ask for it when you’re feeling overwhelmed. If you’re struggling to deal with conflict, read this article from the Gottman Institute.
4. Schedule some “me” time
It’s important to schedule some time for yourself every week—even if it’s just 60 minutes! Don’t forget about daily breaks as well. This could mean that your partner handles bath time or takes the kids out to the park for a half an hour. This will help you recharge and avoid burnout. Remember, if you’re happy and well-rested, everyone benefits. Bonus tip- As your little ones get a little bigger, you can also tell them that you are taking some quiet time and set a timer. Modeling this behaviour will make it the norm for your kids when they are adults!
Check in with yourself. Sometimes when we feel resentful towards another person, it’s actually a sign that we have some kind of negative feelings towards ourselves. For example- you’re resentful that your partner doesn’t understand the organizational efforts needed to manage birthdays, kids activities, appointments etc. You may have an underlying feeling that you are not good enough in this area and comparing yourself to other moms who appear to “have it all together”. Try these affirmations for self love to begin shifting those beliefs if this resonates with you.
5. Set aside some time each week to talk about how things are going
This is a great opportunity to discuss any problems or concerns you may have about how things are going in your family household. It’s also a chance to brainstorm solutions together and give each other positive feedback about what’s working well. Use a family calendar and review the week ahead together. Make it a positive weekly ritual together- pour a glass of wine or give each other back rubs.
6. Be patient!
Rome wasn’t built in a day…and neither is an ideal family household system! It takes time to find what works best for everyone involved so be patient and keep trying new things until you find something that sticks. When in doubt- ask yourself this question before reacting or responding. “How would love respond?” And last but not least…
7. Take a break!
If things are starting to feel too overwhelming, take a step back and take a break from trying to figure everything out perfectly… sometimes just taking a break is all you need to come back refreshed and ready to tackle whatever comes your way next!
Conclusion
If you’re struggling with communication in your relationship, know that you’re not alone – but there is hope! I know that when I take time to figure out what I need before I approach my partner- I am way more clear in my communication! And you know what? Your partner is probably happy to support- they just may not know how.
By following these simple tips, you can start improving communication with your partner in just 10 minutes or less per day. And trust me, it will make all the difference in how supported and connected you both feel within your relationship!