9 Tips for Dealing with Overwhelm in 2021

Overwhelm and stress are some of the top problems that a mama deals with in an average year. This year is not average and now, more than ever, we need to find ways to manage these feelings before they lead to burnout.

In 2019, I was super stressed out, saying yes to everything and everyone and just felt maxed out and overwhelmed. I believe that if you don’t deal with your emotions and mental state, they will show up physically in your body. I had my kids at a friend’s house for a swim and a split second decision to turn my head to look after her little boy resulted in a head on collision with my own daughter as she jumped into me from the side of the pool. WHAM! That split second lead to stitches in her chin and a concussion and (almost) root canal for me.

I was ordered to rest- no screens, reading, or bright lights and told to put my kids in summer camp so I could get better. I used this time to heal not just my head injury but to also spend my days in meditation to heal my mind. This was a complete turning point for me- I started putting me first, setting boundaries and prioritizing my health- mind, body and soul.

So let’s skip the concussion phase and get right into it.

What is overwhelm?

The definition of overwhelm means to defeat completely, give too much of a thing to someone, have a strong emotional effect on or be too strong for or overpower someone.

Feeling overwhelmed happens to all of us at different stages of life. It is not a reflection of who you are, your skill set or your capacity to be a great mom. It’s a sign that it’s time to stop, reflect and strategize differently.

Why does this overwhelm happen?

• Overwhelm can sneak up on us. One day, you may feel like you’re juggling it all and feeling great and the next, everything could feel like it’s crashing down around you. The truth is, it doesn’t ever come out of nowhere. Overwhelm happens when we are exposed to stress over and over again. When we don’t prioritize our own needs first.
• I can think of so many times that I have felt overwhelmed- the first few months of having two under two at home with me, trying to juggle being a stay at home mom with my own expectations and desires to create a business, being home with 2 school aged kids during this lockdown and wearing more hats than is humanly possible.
• It’s okay to feel overwhelmed- it’s a chance to check in with yourself. Maybe you can relate to some of my own personal stories but either way, I’m sure you have your own list. If you look back you can probably see an underlying theme in your own experiences.

9 Best Tips to Reduce Overwhelm

These are the tips that you can put into action and start feeling relief from the stress of overwhelm.

Tip 1: Put it in perspective

Think back to a time where you felt like you couldn’t possibly manage taking another step. Realize that you did. Recognize that, although this moment is hard, you are able to handle hard things and will come out on the other side of this time stronger than before.

Look at the big picture. Perhaps one area of your life feels overwhelming but there’s other areas that you feel great about.

Go outside and look up. It may seem silly but there’s something calming about looking up to the sky and realizing this moment is just a small blip in the universe.

Tip 2: Gratitude

Pause and reflect on what you are grateful for. Write down 10 things you appreciate in your life and let yourself really enjoy these thoughts. It can be as simple as a cup of tea, a sunny day, cuddling a pet or laughing with your little one. When you are in a state of gratitude, the feelings of doubt, fear, sadness can’t co-exist.

Keep a journal and make this a daily practice.

Tip 3: Declutter

A cluttered physical space can stress out your mental space. Start with a simple task- your kitchen table (if it’s a workspace for you and your kids like mine!), the table in your front hall, your bathroom cupboard, your phone screen.

Tip 4: Get Sleep

Running on no sleep can make even the most laid back person a complete wreck. Go to bed earlier. Set a nightly routine- no screens in the bedroom, maybe an herbal tea, reading or meditation- to signal to your brain that it’s time to slow down and get some zzz’s. For mamas that have babies and toddlers that like to visit you in the night- take cat naps during the day, work with your partner to give each other breaks or ask for help.

Tip 5: Ask for Help

This is one that I had to learn the hard way (aka forced into by previously mentioned concussion). If you are a mom who struggles to ask for help- believe me- it will make your life so much better. This can be asking for help with childcare so you get a break (family, friends, babysitter, daycare). It can be having a conversation with your partner and coming up with a game plan if you feel you are carrying more than your fair share. It can be hiring help when it comes to household projects, maintenance, cleaning or pet care. It can be calling up that friend that “always offers to help but you never have taken her up on it” to pick up diapers at Costco when she goes this week. It can also be counselling or therapy. You are so worthy of every single one of these reach outs.

Tip 6: Pay attention to who you surround yourself with

They say that we are the product of the people that we spend most of our time with. Check in with yourself. Are you spending most of your time (whether it’s a real life friend, someone you watch or who you follow on social media) with people who inspire you, light you up and encourage the kind of thoughts and behaviour that align with your values? Or are you being bombarded with negativity, phony people that bring you down, make you second guess yourself or shift your focus to problems? Be on purpose in who you give your time to. It’s okay to take a break from a friend that sucks your energy, unfollow people that make you feel crummy or take a full on break from social media.

Tip 7: Do a Brain Dump

When it feels like you have a family of squirrels bouncing around your brain, my favourite thing to do is a brain dump. It’s literally like taking a trash bin and dumping it all out. Write down every single thing that is in on your mind in list form. It can be about the upcoming holiday, taking the dog to the vet, that presentation you have coming up, your kid needing that thing for school, that coffee date with your friend you keep meaning to schedule… Get it on paper! Keep going until you have nothing else left that you’re thinking about. Sometimes, it’s just the strain of trying to remember everything that can feel overwhelming.

Tip 8: Prioritize

Take that list and put stars beside the top 3 that you need to get done today. Make those your priority and let yourself off the hook for the rest. Anything that will take you less than 5 minutes (like scheduling that appointment you keep putting off), get it done, put it in your calendar (I use my phone) and cross it off. Mark the items that are important to get done this week and schedule them into your calendar- what gets scheduled gets done! Anything that’s left- ask your self these 3 questions: Is this just a should (something I feel like I should do, but really isn’t necessary or don’t want to)? Can I delegate this to someone else (like a partner or child) or ask for help? Does this make me happy? Cross off what you don’t need, delegate what you can and breath a sigh of relief!

Now you have a plan, so just remind yourself- One day at a time.

Tip 9: Add Pleasure

When you’re overwhelmed, you’ve likely lost your spark or your joy. Finding pleasure in your day is a way to slow down, reconnect with yourself and feel good. This doesn’t even necessarily mean adding something to your day. You may be doing something that you find enjoyable but you haven’t actually slowed down to be present and enjoy it. Pleasure can be savouring your morning cup of tea or coffee, being creative, allowing yourself to let go and sing or dance, physical touch with yourself or a partner, having a good belly laugh, connecting with someone you love… Whatever it looks like for you, sprinkle a little into your daily routines by being 100% all in to the moment.

The Last Thing You Need to Know about Overwhelm

Every mom experiences some form of overwhelm from time to time. The key is being able to recognize it and pivot to make changes that reduce the stress you are experiencing. Developing daily habits of self care, setting boundaries and planning out your days and weeks set you up for success. Ten minutes of day will save you from falling into a state of overwhelm. Start with one change today. You’ve got this!

What tip are you going to put into action first? Leave your thoughts in the comments.